Ready or Not…Change is Coming

We are living in very strange and interesting times. This election year grows more bizarre by the day. As November 8 grows near, the pressure is on and, for some of us, our anxiety levels increase by the minute, leading to stress and at times behavior that we may later regret.

When times are tense, it seems almost expected that we will join the bombastic band wagon. The temptation to answer noise with more noise is very real. While the instant response can feel satisfying in the moment, it isn’t always good for our overall health to jump right into the middle of a heated discussion.

Someone will be President on November 9th. Conversations will erupt as soon as the announcement hits the airwaves. Are you ready to live with the outcome even though it may not be what was anticipated or expected? What can you do to manage the inevitable post-election uncertainty?  

The good news is that even in the midst of turbulence, we have the inner power to keep a calm, cool, head and can choose to stop, look, and listen before jumping into the fray.

Without wading into the murky waters of online political discussion, I’d like to offer ten ways we can all practice self-care while on the cusp of a major change:

1. Take time out for yourself: meditate, reflect, contemplate and get plenty of sleep. The constant barrage of the 24-hour news cycle doesn’t leave much breathing room, so it’s essential that you unplug and enjoy quiet time for yourself. In addition to getting enough sleep, try taking a short walk through the brisk fall air, or spending a few moments enjoying a cherished book or hobby.

2. Be self-aware of your emotions, triggers and how to regulate your impulses and reactions. If you’re feeling irritable, on edge, or just plain out-of-sorts, it will help you to understand what’s going on and why. Understanding what you’re feeling or what might have triggered that feeling, is the first step in processing your emotions. When you are aware of your emotions, you’ll be able to talk about them rather than act through them.

3. Keep a journal. It’s amazing what we can learn when we put a pen to paper (or fingers to keyboards...or phones). Writing can free our minds and open us up to new possibilities and potential. You may also feel more free to share thoughts and feelings that may be difficult for you to talk about with other people, especially during contentious times.

4. Seek news outlets that are diverse and out of our comfort zone.  Try and see a different perspective. Most people gravitate to news and information that validates something we strongly believe. This psychological phenomenon is known as the confirmation bias. It feels good to know that our thoughts and beliefs are shared by others. I challenge you to seek out a variety of perspectives. New information can change how we judge people and situations.

5. When confronted with a situation that differs from your own beliefs, by someone that is different in every way, ask questions. It’s natural that something different may make you feel uncomfortable. Take a minute to talk yourself through what might be going on before deciding if this discomfort is because of the newness of the situation or if it’s signaling a conflict with your core beliefs.

6. Start a dialogue not a debate. The purpose of a dialogue is to respectfully come to a mutual understanding (notice I didn’t say agreement!). The purpose of a debate is to argue points back-and-forth until someone has “won.” But who really wins in a debate? Think about how to frame your opinions in ways that foster understanding rather than disagreement.

7. Listen to understand, without immediately thinking of how you will respond. Try counting to four before you say anything to someone who has just shared their opinion with you. Not only does the number 4 have significance in the ancient yogic breathing method Pranayama (know for reducing stress), a brief break gives you a chance to really hear the other person and to put yourself in their shoes. In those four seconds, think about why the person might have just said what they said. What do they want you to understand? How can you respond in a way that shows them you value their opinion even if you disagree? Try starting your response with the word “And” rather than “But,” to put the other person at ease and to make him or her more receptive to what you have to say.

8. Speak to hear not to be heard. Many of us have had the experience of being in a class where a student asks a question that’s meant to show off how much he or she knows. Or perhaps you’ve been in a “conversation” and thought to yourself This person doesn’t even need me hear, they just want to hear themselves talk! Remember that your words have the power to start a meaningful dialogue, which is the first step towards mutual understanding. Think about why you’re saying what you are saying. Do you want to start a dialogue or do you want the other person to be impressed by your knowledge and passion?

9. Look inward first. When something is awry, looking externally is our first instinct. Often, the answers we need and the first step to being happier is to look internally. Ask yourself What can I do to better my situation? What information am I missing? What help do I need? This internal examination will help you move through your external world in more productive and constructive ways.

10. Remember: you have power and you are an agent in your own life. During an intense election season, many of us think we can’t change anything and that we don’t play a role in the outcome. Feeling powerless can be devastating and can lead to feelings of anger or hopelessness. My vote doesn’t count. Nothing I do will change anything, anyway. It’s key to remember that you do have power, and you can make a difference. It may sound corny, but your vote is your voice! Less than 100 years ago, I wouldn’t have been able to vote because I’m a woman. Remember, we’re not just voting in a national election — state and local elections truly affect our day-to-day lives and this is your chance to play a role in what happens next. It’s an amazing privilege, and the greatest power we have!

I know that singing Kumbaya may seem unrealistic, but keeping yourself and your emotions in check is possible for us all.  (Goldman – Working with Emotional Intelligence, 1998).